Social Dinglecratic Party

Duncan Black became Prime Minister in May 2025 and won a second term at the general election of 3 May 2029. He leads a coalition of the Social Dinglecrats, STUD and the Dingle Greens, and answers questions in the House Purple for an hour every sitting week, as Article 60 requires.

He lives and works at The Blind School in New Childwall, the Prime Minister’s official residence and office. He describes his style of government as pragmatism, openness and a bit of banter, usually in that order.

He is married to Mary Black. The couple met on a blind date. He is a lifelong Evertonian, which he says has prepared him for public life better than anything else could.

• Party office: Leader of the Social Dinglecratic Party
• Prime Minister since: May 2025
• Official residence: The Blind School, New Childwall, Port Ringo
• Football: Everton

Janice Warrington runs the Department for Woolyback Affairs, which looks after the Republic’s relations with every country that isn’t Dingle. Her title is the formal one. Most people call her the Foreign Secretary, the Woolyback Secretary or the Wools Secretary, and she answers to all three.

Most of the island’s embassies sit in Port Ringo’s Chinatown, around Benedict Street, and she knows the district like the back of her hand. Her diplomacy relies on what colleagues describe as an almost defiant self-confidence, and her answer to the abuse she receives online is to keep posting.

• Department: Department for Woolyback Affairs
• Minister of State: David Reed MHP, Minister for Woolygration
• Constituency: New Swan

Lauren Whitchurch is the Government’s chief legal adviser. Every Bill the Government brings to the House Purple passes across her desk before it reaches the chamber, and when the law and the Government’s wishes part company, it is her job to say so first.

The Attorney General advises the Government. Prosecutions are a separate matter: under Article 69 they belong to the independent Attorney of the Republic, and no Minister may direct, request or discourage one.

• Office: Attorney General for the Socialist Republic of the Isle of Dingle
• Deputy: Victoria Woodland MHP, Constitution Minister
• Qualifications: LLB, Senior Counsel

Furfendale Yakubu graduated top of his class in Computer Sciences at Ringo Bay University and went on to build a career in artificial intelligence in Silicon Valley. In 2027 he was deported from the United States despite holding valid papers, and came home. Two years later the voters of Taribo East sent him to the House Purple.

As Comptroller of Secrets he is the only Cabinet member whose brief is secrets, and that includes the General Responsible Authority for Scouse Security. He keeps himself and his department on a low profile and gives very little away, which colleagues say is the whole job description.

• Responsible for: GRASS, data security, protecting the Republic’s information
• Education: Computer Sciences, Ringo Bay University
• Constituency: Taribo East, Ladgos

Simone Bilbao is the Republic’s education minister. Her formal title is Chief Swot for the Island, and in everyday use she is the Secretary for Swots. She is responsible for schools, colleges and universities, all of them free, secular and open to everyone, and for the Sid Scheme.

She was born in Ottersea to parents who came to Dingle from the Basque Country as political refugees, went through the island’s schools and came back to run them. She is often called a golden egg of Dinglese politics. She is also known to sing to herself, including, occasionally, at the despatch box.

• Responsible for: Schools, colleges, universities and the Sid Scheme
• Born: Ottersea
• Constituency: Ottersea

Article 71 says the things everybody needs are owned in common and that the rest is a market, lawful and protected. Neville O’Shaugnessy looks after the rest. He oversees private business, trade and foreign investment on the island, including the terms on which foreign money may work on the commons under the Twenty-third Amendment.

Liverpool-born, he spent his first career in banking and made a great deal of money. He then campaigned for a wealth tax in the United Kingdom, found nobody there would listen, and took up his Is Right La. He is known throughout the House Purple as Phil. Nobody will say why.

• Responsible for: Private enterprise, trade, foreign investment
• Before politics: Banking
• On Strings: nevilleirishmhp

Queen Lad Dee Fah, pronounced like Queen Latifah, is the Secretary for Scouse, responsible for the country’s culture and for the official language itself. The brief covers the Rigobert Song Contest, the National Collection, the Day of the Dead and every argument about spelling since the Starkey-Harrison Directive of 1988.

The Queen uses they/them pronouns and answers to the name on the order paper, Andrew Harvey, only when strictly necessary. They take the abuse that comes with public life in their stride, and describe most of it as snakes.

• Responsible for: Culture, the Scouse language, the Rigobert Song Contest, national days
• Pronouns: they/them

David Reed runs the island’s immigration system from the fifth floor of the Department for Woolyback Affairs. That covers visas, asylum and every claim made under the Right of Scouse Settlement, the Is Right La, at Baker International Airport and the ports. He is known to the press and most of the public as the Wool Minister, or simply Dave.

He crossed from the Albert Dock as a child with his family in February 1986, and grew up with the Republic. He is one of the Prime Minister’s closest colleagues and deputises for the Woolyback Secretary in the House. He is famously fond of a scouse butty.

• Responsible for: Visas, asylum, the Right of Scouse Settlement
• Reports to: Janice Warrington MHP, Secretary for Woolyback Affairs

Victoria Woodland is the Constitution Minister and deputy to the Attorney General. When the Government wants to know what the Constitution actually says, as opposed to what everyone remembers it saying, she is the one who goes and reads it.

She is regarded across the House as one of its sharpest legal minds, and as one of its least spinnable: she reports what the text says even when the Government would rather she didn’t. She is rarely seen without her brown curls immaculate and a bright red suit.

• Responsible for: The Constitution, its amendments and its interpretation
• Reports to: Lauren Whitchurch MHP, Attorney General

Nathaniel Sherman is the minister responsible for the Republic’s prisons and for the rehabilitation of the people in them. His department’s programmes concentrate on training and work, on the principle that a person who leaves prison with a trade is less likely to go back.

• Responsible for: Prisons, rehabilitation and resettlement

Ian Maladdo represents Rigobert West, the constituency that hosts the national Day of the Dead commemoration on Cork Hill, overlooking Apple Abbey Green. Every 8 April he takes the lectern to open the day, and in 2029 he did so with a 4-wood golf club and a papier-mâché piñata.

His speeches on the day are a fixture, and his annual thanks to Margaret Thatcher for founding the Republic are delivered with exactly as much sincerity as the crowd expects.

• Constituency: Rigobert West
• Known for: Opening the Day of the Dead on Cork Hill