The Bizzies
Dingle’s police service. Everybody calls them the bizzies, including the bizzies. They police by the consent of the people and answer to them (Article 70).
If a crime is happening now, or someone is in danger, call 151. For anything else, contact the bizzies at your local council office.
At a glance
- Responsible minister
- Carlos Knight MHP, Secretary for the Island
- Routinely armed?
- No
- Armed units
- Border Bizzies, Diplomatic Protection Squad, the Firm
- Complaints
- Investigated independently, in public
- On Strings
- The Dingle Bizzies official account
Who we are
Local units
Every city has its own local unit of bizzies, working from the council offices. They are the officers you will meet in the street, at a school gate or at the match, and they carry no firearms.
The Firm
The Dinglese Police Personal Protection Squad, known to everyone as the Firm, protects the President, the Prime Minister, Ministers and visiting dignitaries, and provides the President’s close protection detail. By long tradition its officers go by nicknames taken from great Liverpool goalkeepers, a tradition the Evertonians in the unit have been complaining about since 1987.
The Border Bizzies
The Border Bizzies work at Baker International Airport and the ports. They check every claim under the Right of Scouse Settlement against the Births Register, and under Article 27 they let nobody in and keep nobody out on the strength of an accent, a pair of white socks or the colour of somebody’s bin.
The Diplomatic Protection Squad
The Diplomatic Protection Squad guards The Blind School and the embassies of Port Ringo’s Chinatown. Its officers are the most visible armed police on the island, and the ones least likely to smile at you.
Our promises to you
These are not policies. They are in the Constitution, and no Act of the House Purple can take them away.
A number you can read
Every officer wears a number you can actually read, and writes down every stop, every search and every time they lay hands on anyone (Article 70).
A reason for every stop
Nobody is stopped or searched unless the officer has a reason for stopping that particular person. Stopping people on sight is out, and no Act brings it back (Article 45).
Protest is protected
The bizzies are there to help assemblies happen, not to stop them. Penning in people who aren’t suspected of anything is out (Article 43).
No side in a strike
No officer is ever used in an industrial dispute to help one side of it (Article 70). The miners are the reason why.
48 hours
Nobody is held for more than forty-eight hours without being charged or released, and anyone held is told why straight away, in a language they understand, and gets a lawyer of their choosing without delay (Article 35).
Deaths in custody
A death in custody, or after contact with the bizzies, is investigated by a body independent of them, in public, with the family represented at public expense from the first hour (Article 70).
Ceremonial duties
On the Day of the Dead each year, twenty-one bizzies provide the salute at the national commemoration on Cork Hill, firing rubber rounds at a coffin as set down in the Official Day of the Dead Protocol Handbook. Nobody aims at the sky. The Handbook is clear on that point.
Page last reviewed: 29 October 2029