This is an unofficial English translation. The Scouse text is the only authoritative version (Article 3).

Scouse · English

The Great Seal of Dingle

Socialist Republic of the

Isle of Dingle

Official website of the Dinglese Government

Home / Press and Media

Strings

What the island is saying, all at once. This is DingStrings, the biggest Dinglese community on Strings, captured on Wednesday 7 November 2029. The Government doesn’t moderate Strings, and on this evidence neither does anybody else.

DingStringsLatest posts · 182K members

Wednesday 7 November 2029

M

Maureen@ScouseNan1952 · 14m

Our Kieran says I need me NAN to log in to the doctor’s. I AM the nan. 68 years I’ve been a nan, lad. Well, 31. Feels like 68.

88 Replies1,904 Restrings12.4K Strums

PC

Pughluigi Collina Appreciation Society@PughluigiFC · 38m

Whistle count so far today: 11. Yellow cards: 2. Members told to sit down and behave: all of them. She is in the form of her life. #PughluigiCollina

41 Replies610 Restrings4,820 Strums

★

Dinglese Communist Party@DingleCommunists · 1h

Seizing the memes of production 🚩

ImagePortia Strauss MHP as the “Point Missed” meme: THE POINT sails clean over her head while she looks the other way.

512 Replies3,390 Restrings9,117 Strums

KK

Kirby Kid@KirbyKid94 · 1h

Parliament TV on in work since half nine. Nobody has done a tap. Gaffer’s worse than us, he’s doing a running commentary.

19 Replies233 Restrings2,701 Strums

SB

Shabba The Butty@ShabbaTheButty · 2h

Queue round the corner on Scotty Road. Big day in the Purps = big day for butties. The chip butty is not a matter for the Constitution but it should be.

34 Replies120 Restrings1,986 Strums

NO

Neville O’Shaugnessy MHP@nevilleirishmhp · 3h

My colleagues may wish to piss away goodwill for the sake of political expediency, but I won’t. Mr Sheffield is right. We have friends who are a lot like us. We have family and friends who could end up looking through the barrel of our guns.

0:58
VideoNeville O’Shaugnessy MHP in the House Purple this morning. #WoolybackupLegionstrings.co.dg/nevilleirishmhp/video/woolybacklegion

2,811 Replies4,406 Restrings15.2K Strums

★

Dinglese Communist Party@DingleCommunists · 4h

Lib Dings crying in the Purps again. We made you a picture. 🚩

ImageA row of yellow rosettes weeping into a box of tissues on the Opposition benches. Caption: LIBERALISM, LIVE ON PARLIAMENT TV.

690 Replies2,150 Restrings7,064 Strums

MR

Mason Roberts@MasonRobertsDTV · 5h

In the media gallery all day. Every seat in the chamber is full and the Speaker has her whistle. Live on DTV from now till whenever she says so.

102 Replies388 Restrings3,240 Strums

JW

Janice Warrington MHP@JaniceWarrington · 6h

I’m fully supportive of @DrDuncanDingle‘s proposals being presented to @HousePurps today. Emergency Powers are last resort, and I trust @DingleGovt to use them appropriately.

3,480 Replies512 Restrings2,904 Strums

T

Tony@TonyFudgePackLonely · 6h

Replying to @JaniceWarrington

CliveAI imageA Yorkshire pudding where Janice Warrington’s head should be.

2 Replies0 Restrings31 Strums

SA

Simon Audits@SimonAuditSays · 6h

Replying to @JaniceWarrington

I doubt you’ll be able to read them with all that chub blocking your eyesight!

1 Replies0 Restrings12 Strums

J

JanUpTheWazzoo@JanUpTheWazzoo · 6h

Replying to @JaniceWarrington

Fat cunt.

0 Replies0 Restrings0 Strums

J

JanUpTheWazzoo@JanUpTheWazzoo · 6h

Replying to @JaniceWarrington

Fat cunt.

0 Replies0 Restrings0 Strums

J

JanUpTheWazzoo@JanUpTheWazzoo · 6h

Replying to @JaniceWarrington

Fat cunt.

0 Replies0 Restrings0 Strums

HP

The House Purple@HousePurps · 7h

The House sits at 9:30am. Today’s business is on the order paper. Parliament TV is live from the opening whistle and, as ever, shows no adverts.

220 Replies1,402 Restrings5,310 Strums

PH

Pippa Heroine@PippaHeroine · 8h

Twirl! Twirl! TWIRL! 🦸‍♀️ Fourteen schools this term and every single one of you can twirl better than me. Wednesday is SINGING day. See you at 4 on @SprogsTV!

1,204 Replies3,870 Restrings22.0K Strums

M&P

Marx & Parx@MarxAndParx · 9h

Meal deal. Still Q3.50. Vegan beef salad, carrot sticks, water. Fuel for a long day of shouting in New Childwall.

77 Replies140 Restrings1,822 Strums

Monday 5 November 2029

BZ

The Bizzies@DingleBizzies · 5 Nov

Bommy Night: bonfires on council land only, and the pallets have to be yours. Yes, we know. Have a boss night and keep the pets in.

402 Replies4,118 Restrings11.4K Strums

B

Baz@BommyNightBaz · 5 Nov

Not a tree on the whole island and yet somehow the biggest bommy in Ladgos. Nobody ask where the pallets came from. They came from a ship. That’s all you need to know.

380 Replies2,960 Restrings14.7K Strums

PE

The Pink Echo@ThePinkEcho · 5 Nov

Replying to @BommyNightBaz

Baz. Lad. We need to talk about the pallets. #HandsOffMePallets

66 Replies900 Restrings6,210 Strums

LL

Ladgos Lad@LadgosLad · 5 Nov

Mischief Night last night was mental. Somebody wrapped the Taribo North sign in clingfilm. Sign’s fine. Clingfilm’s fine. Our Akin’s raging.

58 Replies411 Restrings3,390 Strums

AI

Akinwole Ikenwoke MHP@IkenwokeMHP · 5 Nov

Replying to @LadgosLad

I can lift the sign. I cannot unwrap the sign. These are different skills.

310 Replies2,870 Restrings18.2K Strums

SC

Scranatee@Scranatee · 5 Nov

Bommy Night: riders will not be delivering into the middle of a field. Please meet them at the gate like normal people.

91 Replies640 Restrings4,105 Strums

Sunday 4 November 2029

T

Tina 💙@ToffeeTina · 4 Nov

One perk of being two hours behind: a 3pm kick-off at Bramley-Moore is a 1pm kick-off in Port Ringo, and the pub’s open. That second half. Say nowt. Just say nowt. 💙

144 Replies702 Restrings5,880 Strums

Y

Yaz@YNWA_Yaz · 4 Nov

Whole bar in the Spanish Quarter singing You’ll Never Walk Alone with the door open in a gale. Eleven hundred miles and we still had the hairs up on our arms. ❤️

210 Replies1,830 Restrings13.4K Strums

DB

Dr Duncan Black@DrDuncanDingle · 4 Nov

I watched the Toffees yesterday. I will be saying nothing about it. Mary says that’s the most statesmanlike thing I’ve done all year.

1,903 Replies2,444 Restrings24.1K Strums

CK

Carlos Knight MHP@CarlosKnightMHP · 4 Nov

Replying to @DrDuncanDingle

Most statesmanlike thing you’ve done all year was the cyan jacket, Dunc.

210 Replies840 Restrings9,870 Strums

BF

Brookie Forever@Brookie4Eva · 4 Nov

DBS showing Brookside from episode one, Sunday mornings. 1982. Me ma’s got the teapot out like it’s a christening. Not crying, it’s the wind.

95 Replies520 Restrings4,412 Strums

Saturday 3 November 2029

KC

King Charles MHP@KingCharlesMHP · 3 Nov

Funk and soul on my channel tonight, 8pm till late. Two hours of the good stuff and no politics. Smoke me a kipper.

240 Replies1,101 Restrings8,330 Strums

TR

Tiger Roll Bakery@TigerRollBakery · 3 Nov

Rigobert, you were LOUD. Thanks for coming out in a gale. New single Monday. It’s about a bin.

77 Replies610 Restrings5,290 Strums

LS

there she goes again@TheLasStan · 3 Nov

Busker on Benedict Street playing There She Goes for the 41st time today. I have counted. I will keep counting. She does, in fact, go there again.

38 Replies1,340 Restrings9,808 Strums

SB

Shabba The Butty@ShabbaTheButty · 3 Nov

Settle it once and for all.

Best butty in the Republic?

Chip butty41%

Scouse butty33%

Crisp butty19%

Jam butty (why)7%

18,240 votes · Final results

1,402 Replies2,390 Restrings6,015 Strums

Friday 2 November 2029

BP

President Bryce Pryce@BrycePryce · 2 Nov

NOBODY DOES EAGLES LIKE ME. NOBODY! Biggest eagle anyone has ever seen, people are saying it. 🦅🇺🇸

AI-generated imagePresident Pryce riding a giant bald eagle over the White House at sunset.

98.4K Replies140K Restrings812K Strums

E

Eileen from Egg Berth@EggBerthEileen · 2 Nov

Replying to @BrycePryce

who is this fella and why is he on my phone

402 Replies6,870 Restrings41.2K Strums

BC

Bernard “Mandible” Clawson MHP@MandibleClawson · 2 Nov

Every heating engineer, linesman and ferry crew who kept this island running through Alicia: STUD are buying. Belle End Social Club, Friday, from 6. Solidarity.

188 Replies1,440 Restrings7,906 Strums

MB

Martin Brisket MHP@MartinBrisket · 2 Nov

Three years on and people are still posting me sippy cups. Keep them coming. The Greens are recycling every one of them into something useful, unlike some debates I could mention.

420 Replies2,810 Restrings16.6K Strums

Wednesday 31 October 2029

MM

me ma says no@MeMaSaysNo · 31 Oct

Kid came to the door dressed as a purple bin. Gave him the whole bowl. Best costume on the island, no notes.

167 Replies4,920 Restrings31.1K Strums

RC

Rigobert Cathedral@RigobertCathedral · 31 Oct

All Saints tomorrow. Evensong at 6. Everyone welcome, of every faith and none, Jedi included. — Dean James

60 Replies870 Restrings5,442 Strums

SB

Simone Bilbao MHP@SimoneBilbaoMHP · 31 Oct

Sid Scheme applications for 2030 close on 30 November. Liverpool, the Uni Of, John Moores and Hope are waiting for you. Go and come home wiser. 🎓

310 Replies2,206 Restrings9,920 Strums

Y

Yaz@YNWA_Yaz · 31 Oct

Replying to @SimoneBilbaoMHP

You were singing at the despatch box again yesterday, Simone. We all heard it. It was a banger.

48 Replies360 Restrings4,330 Strums

Tuesday 30 October 2029

TD

The Times of Dingle@TimesofDingle · 30 Oct

Yesterday’s 1 Across: DUCK (avoid; national symbol). 62% of you got it. 38% of you wrote in to complain that the duck is not avoidable. You are correct.

510 Replies1,330 Restrings6,771 Strums

SS

Smithdown Socialist@SmithdownSocialist · 30 Oct

The Brits are finally taking the piss out of their own lot. This is going round Westminster this morning. Proud of them, honestly.

ImageAn AI picture of Fabio Esposito MP bursting out of a uniform two sizes too small, the words SWEATY SIMON stitched on the patch.

440 Replies7,210 Restrings38.1K Strums

DG

Dingle Government@DingleGovt · 30 Oct

Storm Alicia reaches London today. Britain gives its storms names. We give ours a shrug. If you’re visiting the UK this week, take a coat.

900 Replies9,330 Restrings44.2K Strums

QL

Queen Lad Dee Fah@QueenLadDeeFah · 30 Oct

Reminder: the Starkey-Harrison Directive (1988) says “gizza” is one word. The Starkey-Harrison Directive is right. Snakes in the replies will be blocked, as usual. 💅

1,840 Replies2,016 Restrings17.5K Strums

Monday 29 October 2029

HF

Hot Flush@HotFlushMag · 29 Oct

IT’S HERE. The Prime Minister and Mary tell us everything: the tango, the jacket and the night they met. On shelves now. 💃🔥

Hot Flush · November 2029We Met on A Blind Date!The PM & Mary: love, tango and that jacket

4,210 Replies11.8K Restrings61.3K Strums

DB

Dr Duncan Black@DrDuncanDingle · 29 Oct

Replying to @HotFlushMag

Mary picked the jacket. Mary picks everything. Thank you @HotFlushMag.

2,100 Replies4,408 Restrings52.9K Strums

PC

Pughluigi Collina Appreciation Society@PughluigiFC · 29 Oct

Replying to @HotFlushMag

Hot Flush ranks the Speaker third at dancing in Strictly Purps. Off for a VAR check. 📺

112 Replies1,330 Restrings9,014 Strums

SE

Speke Easy@SpekeEasyMag · 29 Oct

She’s only gone and done it again. Fittest Bird in Politics 2029 is in, and you already know. All 175 ranked inside. #FittestBird

3,090 Replies5,412 Restrings21.0K Strums

LW

Lauren Whitchurch MHP@LaurenWhitchurch · 29 Oct

Replying to @SpekeEasyMag

Flattered, lads. Still not doing the photoshoot. Still not reading the other 174.

1,440 Replies8,806 Restrings70.1K Strums

NS

The New Swan Times@NewSwanTimes · 29 Oct

61 out of 100. Your move, GBC. 🗞 #HostileIsland

The New Swan Times · MondayGOBSHITES BROADCASTING CORPORATIONWe asked 100 Dinglese what they think of the British.

1,230 Replies6,605 Restrings29.8K Strums

EF

Eleanor Finney@EleanorFinneyNST · 29 Oct

Replying to @NewSwanTimes

For the record: it was 61 “who?”, 27 never thought about it, 11 said the people are fine and the government isn’t, and one we couldn’t print. Margin of error: Alicia.

210 Replies1,904 Restrings12.7K Strums

GBC

GBC News@GBCNews · 29 Oct

Hostile Island: Inside Dingle. Are the people of the Socialist Republic really as hostile to Britain as they seem? Watch again on GBC Player. #HostileIsland

14.2K Replies2,015 Restrings3,330 Strums

DD

Dodd Coast Dad@DoddCoastDad · 29 Oct

Replying to @GBCNews

Watched it. Learned that I hate you. News to me lad, I was at me cousin’s wedding in Bootle last year.

310 Replies9,970 Restrings58.4K Strums

LL

Ladgos Lad@LadgosLad · 29 Oct

Replying to @GBCNews

Who?

61 Replies12.3K Restrings80.1K Strums

PE

The Pink Echo@ThePinkEcho · 29 Oct

LATE FINAL: Hands off me pallets! Councils want them back before Bommy Night. Also: the Pughluigi book is filling up. 📰 #HandsOffMePallets

402 Replies1,215 Restrings7,204 Strums

PS

Portia Strauss MHP@PortiaStrauss · 29 Oct

Second-hand fleece, second-hand jeans and a first-hand look at what the Atlantic does when it’s cross. Alicia was a warning. Nobody in the North Atlantic is more exposed than us, and we should be leading on this.

366 Replies1,490 Restrings9,002 Strums

CP

A Convoy of Pigeons@ConvoyOfPigeons · 29 Oct

Live session on DBS Radio tonight, 7pm. Four songs, one cover, zero pigeons (the producer said no).

90 Replies702 Restrings6,118 Strums

RS

Rigobert Song Contest@RigobertSong · 29 Oct

Entries for the next Rigobert Song Contest are open. In 2028 Charlotte Doyle won it and went on to sing the anthem on Cork Hill. No pressure. 🎤

144 Replies2,880 Restrings15.4K Strums

TS

Tony Sheffield MHP@TonySheffield · 29 Oct

To the photographers outside the Purps: I am not sad. This is just my face. It has always been my face.

2,230 Replies14.1K Restrings96.3K Strums

Sunday 28 October 2029

BW

Bin Watch Huyton de Ma@BinWatchHuyton · 28 Oct

UPDATE: the purple bin that blew off Coastal Road at 11 this morning was last seen heading out to sea at a fair lick. Coastguard says it’s halfway to Newfoundland. Enjoy Canada, bin.

1,880 Replies21.9K Restrings104K Strums

GL

Gemma Lett MHP@GemmaLettIndie · 28 Oct

Replying to @BinWatchHuyton

Every bin in Narrowside collected on time this week, bar one. That one is in international waters and is no longer a matter for the council.

402 Replies5,120 Restrings33.9K Strums

CG

Coastguard & Lifeboats@DingleCoastguard · 28 Oct

Alicia update, 4pm: lots of calls, nobody hurt, one bin unrecoverable. Busy but boring, which is how we like it. Stay off the sea wall.

510 Replies6,640 Restrings30.2K Strums

DG

Dingle Government@DingleGovt · 28 Oct

Storm Alicia: gusts of 94 mph on the Dodd Coast. Every ferry is cancelled today and Baker International is closed until 8pm. Heat and power are on everywhere. Stay in, put the kettle on.

1,204 Replies12.9K Restrings40.1K Strums

BI

Baker International Airport@BakerIntl · 28 Oct

The airport is closed to all traffic from 6am until at least 8pm today. If you are at the airport, please go home. If you are at home, well done.

322 Replies2,440 Restrings9,870 Strums

SA

Scouse Airwheyyyyys@ScouseAirwheyyyyys · 28 Oct

All flights today are cancelled. Our planes are staying in. So should you. ✈️❌

690 Replies3,808 Restrings14.6K Strums

NN

The Nee Nors@NeeNors · 28 Oct

Quiet Alicia so far. Please don’t change that by going up a ladder to see if the gutter’s alright. The gutter is not alright. Leave it.

288 Replies9,340 Restrings50.0K Strums

CK

Carlos Knight MHP@CarlosKnightMHP · 28 Oct

Whoever parks across the lifeboat slipway in Huyton de Ma during a named storm, I will find you and I will leather ya. Respectfully. Secretary for the Island.

3,870 Replies16.7K Restrings88.4K Strums

PM

Paula McQueen MHP@PaulaMcQueenMHP · 28 Oct

Storm damage claims will be on one form, on one page. If anyone in my department makes it two pages they will be explaining themselves to me.

142 Replies2,230 Restrings12.0K Strums

D

Dave (bassoon)@BassoonDaveRBBS · 28 Oct

Six months since the Day of the Dead and the bassoon has finally recovered. The bassoonist has not. Rehearsals back Thursday if the hall’s still got a roof.

55 Replies620 Restrings4,903 Strums

IM

Ian Maladdo MHP@IanMaladdo · 28 Oct

The 4-wood is retired until April. Nobody touch it.

77 Replies980 Restrings7,331 Strums

LP

Lenny Pengar MHP@LennyPengar · 28 Oct

Asked the Government last week when the winter ferry timetable would be published. Answer received today: “Alicia.” Fair enough.

366 Replies3,102 Restrings19.8K Strums

DC

Diane Crowley MHP@DianeCrowleyMHP · 28 Oct

If you need the Nee Nors, ring 151. If you need a winter jab, ring your health centre on Monday. If you need a brew, that’s on you.

120 Replies1,880 Restrings10.2K Strums

You’ve reached the end of the captured feed. Strings keeps going. It always keeps going.